realization

this week is Camp Meeting for the Church of God denomination in the state of Alabama. i work in the kitchen for this entire event but the last two years i was unable to work since i was across the world in China.

anyways, i realized something that is very important for me right now. i took a short break from setting up for the dinner after the service tonight and walked into the sanctuary to see the altar call. Tommy Bates spoke tonight and was praying for young people as i walked in. he got this young guy with bleach blonde hair- he also called him "blondie"- to come up on the stage to pray for him. Tommy Bates told this guy that he will have to separate himself from the world, break away from certain people in his life to go after to God. he told the guy that he may even have to be doing it by himself for a while but in the end something good would happen.

i quit listening after he said that the guy would have to go after God by himself. that part was for me. this past semester i had been praying to for God to help me rely on Him and him alone. since i have been back home i haven't done much. i haven't started my internship at my church like i thought i would have by now, and i don't even know if i will get to do it. i haven't really talked to anyone from school since i have left. and i am stilling trying to find my niche here as well as figure what God wants me to do with my life. it's been so hard and i am making it hard too by not spending time with the Lord.

this summer i am supposed to go after God by myself! i have never done that before. i have always had a someone there with me to go after Him. not this time. i still have some of my close friends here but it just feels different and i know that i have to seek Him with everything i have. i honestly wish some of my close friends from tuscaloosa were with me but they aren't.

Daddy is definitely teaching me some stuff. i have asked for the opportunity to rely fully on Daddy and to show me to be devoted in body and spirit. i'm not going to miss this opportunity.

thank you Daddy! i will trust in You and You alone. thank you for Your love and mercy and grace.

i'm physically exhausted. goodnight.